The Excluded One

It is not unusual that there is someone in the family lineage who was consciously exiled them from the family. This could be someone who went far from home and then the family cut them out. It can also be someone who did some act of violence or violated a social norm and the family decided to cast the person out.

It is true that it is often necessary to keep family members safe in this way. But these events and behaviors happened in a particular time and place. Doing a ritual can help to clarify where and when these events happened and that they are, in fact, in the past. We do not condone the act that made them The Excluded One, but instead we give them a place where their actions, however unacceptable, are also acknowledged.

Those who are living several generations beyond the time this one was excluded have the perspective needed to do this ritual. Whatever level of seeing and acknowledging is now possible has a balancing effect for the descendants and the entire family system.

Guided Ritual

The Excluded One

Creating a personal ritual for The Excluded One

After you do the guided ritual, place one object to represent you and one object to represent The Excluded One. Place them consciously in space in a way that is comfortable for you. If you need them to be further apart this is perfectly okay. Take a moment to just look at these two objects; make sure that you can breathe deeply. You may want to take the object representing The Beloved One and place it near you as a source of strength and stability.

Choose an object to represent The Event that caused them to be exiled and place it in space. It is okay if you do not know the details of the event. It is enough to know that something significant must have happened for this one to be excluded. You may want to write the words “The Event” on the scroll of paper. Or if you have more information, name what happened and place the paper near The Event.

As you look towards The Excluded One, simple say: “I see you.” Breathe deeply. Then look towards The Event and again say: “I see you.” These short and simple phrases, said with clarity and calmness, have a way of making an impact. The Beloved One may also be able to join you in this acknowledgement, looking towards The Excluded One and The Event in turn and saying: “I see you.”

Check if there is any connection between The Excluded One and The Event. You might want to try moving The Event nearer to The Excluded One to test how far apart or how close feels appropriate. If it fits, you may want to say: “I see that that this Event belongs to you.”

Take a few minutes afterwards to write down what you noticed in this ritual and if there are any details about The Excluded One’s story that feel like they are still be reverberating today.