One of the most inspiring aspects of systemic constellations is the sense of hope they offer. Of finding a “way out of no way.” As you sit in a constellations circle you witness a series of deeply personal processes. People bring forward the questions that weigh heavily on them— longstanding family concerns; questions about life purpose; how to be more aligned in their work and mission.
One by one an impossible situation comes forward; and over the course of an hour or so, finds resolution. Through each far-ranging story, you begin to notice a rhythm underlying each challenge and each resolution. There is a rhythm of reconciliation that speaks to something universal.
Acknowledging What Is
Systemic constellations is a method based not on theory but on phenomenology—direct observation, “acknowledging what is,” and testing possible options that may help each seemingly impossible situation. Each session draws on the embodied experiences of those present, allowing insights and patterns to surface organically.
In the first configuration, when participants first stand in to represent different aspects of the situation, it often looks completely stuck. You might think, “How are we ever going to get out of this one…?” But as the representatives take their place, often in silence, it’s as if a map begins to unfurl, guiding us back to the time and place where the trouble first began. Once we arrive at that place, the path forward becomes clear. where there was forgetting, we go back to remember; where there was harm, we return to place responsibility where it belongs. It’s like applying acupressure to the collective conscience—when we touch the right points, the relief is palpable. The representatives visibly relax, and those in the outer circle observing can feel a perceptible calm. And with that release comes relief, resolution, and the possibility of new beginnings.
We see that healing from intergenerational trauma is not only possible but tangible. We also become attuned to the way individual experiences in our own lives connect to broader systems we are part of. The atmosphere is newly hopeful — so much so that during coffee breaks, many of us can’t help but wonder: if this kind of profound relief is achievable for families, could a similar process help for the cultural wounds in our society today?
Addressing the Roots of Oppression
In the U.S., we have yet to experience large-scale truth and reconciliation. The historical wounds run deep and have been present for so long that we often feel frozen and paralyzed, not knowing where to even begin.
Despite our best intentions, as a society we continue to perpetuate these wounds. This is the definition of a “wicked problem”: when we ourselves are so entangled in the web it is hard to see a way out.
We are caught in a culture of extraction. It has become a habit, deeply ingrained in how we interact with the world and with one another. This extractive mindset drives the exploitation of the Earth, mirroring how the colonial mind treated Indigenous peoples and enslaved African people. It has become a strategy for creating wealth and power. Many people have their sense of identity tied to remaining unconscious.
Without addressing these patterns at their root, they continue to show up everywhere, perpetuate harm, impacting everyone around us and being passed down to future generations. Deeply engrained pattern require inner and outer change in order to uproot and transform.
But the good new is that habits can be changed.
Systemic constellations is a method based not on theory but on phenomenology—direct observation, “acknowledging what is,” and testing possible options that may help each seemingly impossible situation. Each session draws on the embodied experiences of those present, allowing insights and patterns to surface organically.
In the first configuration, when participants first stand in to represent different aspects of the situation, it often looks completely stuck. You might think, “How are we ever going to get out of this one…?” But as the representatives take their place, often in silence, it’s as if a map begins to unfurl, guiding us back to the time and place where the trouble first began. Once we arrive at that place, the path forward becomes clear. where there was forgetting, we go back to remember; where there was harm, we return to place responsibility where it belongs. It’s like applying acupressure to the collective conscience—when we touch the right points, the relief is palpable. The representatives visibly relax, and those in the outer circle observing can feel a perceptible calm. And with that release comes relief, resolution, and the possibility of new beginnings.
We see that healing from intergenerational trauma is not only possible but tangible. We also become attuned to the way individual experiences in our own lives connect to broader systems we are part of. The atmosphere is newly hopeful — so much so that during coffee breaks, many of us can’t help but wonder: if this kind of profound relief is achievable for families, could a similar process help for the cultural wounds in our society today?
Practical Steps to Systemic Healing
In systemic work, we take care of the ways that systems of oppression continue to live in our own consciousness. we recognize how inherited systems of power, control, and extraction are embedded in our thoughts. We pay attention to the way victim and perpetrator show up today in our habits and relationships and take steps to reroute and rewire these connection.
Seeing with systemic eyes, we can practice with the rhythm of reconciliation that we have seen working in thirty years of constellation circles.
The basic steps are:
1. Listen and see
Listen deeply; know the story in its many layers. Find the truth of the situation. Try to find who or what forces contributed.
2. Acknowledge
Come to a common understanding about what has been found. Certain events and aspects merit particular acknowledgement. Life and death matter quite a lot.
Who lived? In what order was each one born? “first this one, then that one…”
Who died?
If someone was killed, who was responsible?
Who gave?
Who benefitted?
Who took something that was not theirs?
Whose life was able to continue as a consequence?
What was secreted away?
Sometimes there are things that have been hidden for generations. Often this happens for good reason. At the time, it would have brought on too much shame or difficulty; or it was simply too much for the heart to bear. We are stronger now and with time on our side, have capacity to look at and acknowledge these things.
3. Honor
Getting all of these details straight takes some effort. As you start putting them back into order, getting the timeline straight, that in itself is an honoring that engages your emotions. It is not done in a way that is rote or formulaic, it is a ritual of remembrance. Sometimes there are words used to honor that are said with presence, in a ceremonial way. These are words of esteem that the group conscience can hear.
“I lived and you died.”
“I benefitted from your labor.”
“My family benefitted.”
“My family member’s life was able to continue as a consequence.”
For the honoring to be complete, you feel it in your body. You are calm. Although you are remembering something about the past, you are doing it very much in the present moment. You may find a posture of honoring that feels authentic, bringing the hands to the heart, folding them into prayer, or a bowing of the head. Find a place inside where you experience sincerity; sometimes no words are even necessary.
4. Make reasonable restitutions that all parties are satisfied with
It will look different for each situation. It could be symbolic; it could be monetary. If it’s possible to give back what has been taken, now is the time. It could be a solemn vow to move forward in a new way. This is a practice of reparations, but to say that it is simply a cash payout, is to make it too small.
The amazing part is, after you have seen and acknowledged in a deep way, the fact that we are actually interconnected awakens something in the system, which is constantly seeking for balance. The seeing and honoring has a way of activating a creative life force to spontaneously help find what is needed. A creative solution comes, that is appropriate for the current time and place. It brings peace to the system.
Some words that may come along on the winds of reconciliation are:
“I make the solemn vow to do it differently now.”
“I remember you.”
“I will carry you in my heart.”
You know you have found the right thing when it feels right to the one who took and to the one who was taken from. We check with all parties and if it doesn’t feel right, there is more seeing acknowledging to do.
It’s not just about forgiveness
In the West there is a moral commandment to “forgive and forget” and so out of habit, we often reach for forgiveness. The problem with forgiveness is that it often comes too early in the process. When you try to be selfless, putting your own needs aside too soon, and only understanding the one who wronged you, you may be abandoning your own pain and distress. Forgetting becomes another exclusion. For a reconciliation that is complete, even the pain cannot be excluded. The pain is valued as a messenger for what is needed to rebalance the scales. If one person has taken something, the responsibility for what they did needs to stay with them. So it is not about simply saying “I’m sorry” or “I forgive you.” Even though these words might come out along the way these are not the words that bring about a spontaneous unraveling of generations of wounding. The potency, the thing that has transformative power, is doing each step of the process.
Activating Change for a Culture of Compassion
So if you are a social change maker or someone who wants to bring about more justice and equality in your community, it is helpful to get to know these rhythms of reconciliation.
When you attune yourself to them, you activate the heart and mind’s innate capacity for change. You have the power to stop the cycles of oppression within yourself, no matter how many generations they have been running. You can rise above the dynamics of victim and perpetrator, oppressor and oppressed; and find the path to decolonize your mind
If enough of us take up this work it will most certainly show us the way to a culture based on compassion, justice, and interconnectedness.
References
Francesca Mason Boring, Connecting to Our Ancestral Past: Healing through Family Constellations, Ceremony, and Ritual, 2012
Bert Hellinger, Peace begins in the Soul. Family Constellations in the Service of Reconciliation, 2013.
John L. Payne, The Healing of Individuals, Families, and Nations. 2005.
Bertold Ulsamer, The Healing Power of the Past: A New Approach to Healing Family Wounds. 2005.
Larry Ward, America’s Racial Karma: An Invitation to Heal, 2020.